On the last couple of posts I discussed how difficult it can be dealing with co-workers and management. However this time I want to take a look at the clients we deal with each and every day. In my book I had an entire chapter on "How To Be A Good Customer", but apparently it went unread.
Before I get started I want to acknowledge that a vast majority of my clients are awesome people. Many have become friends of mine as well, especially the ones that are local to me. This helps tremendously when there is an issue as they know the kind of person I am and can trust that I'm not out to screw them over.
But as we all know it only takes one grouchy, irritable jerk to ruin your day or week. Anyone in sales, self-employed or otherwise depends on their customers to earn a living and can share a multitude of stories about these people. Here are a few of my stories.
1. The drunk guy. Back in my retail days I managed a music store. We opened at 10am (mall schedule) and usually for the first couple of hours we were not busy. So it was a bit of a surprise when I looked up to see a very intoxicated young man in his late 20's stumbling into the store. He reeked of alcohol. I recognized him as the bartender at a local watering hole I would sometimes visit from time to time. (The place had delicious wings!)
He looked like a pinball as he bounced off of fixtures walking to the back of the store. Stopping in front of a section of compact discs (this was the 1990's) he thumbed his way through a small section of product, cursing and swearing. I walked over and asked if he needed any help.
"The Doors! Is this all you have?" he said angrily. I asked him if there was one in particular he was looking for and he shook his head. "You don't have them all!" Then he spewed out another litany of profanities. Then he called me a name which I won't repeat, but let's just say it implied something regarding my mother.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I will put up with a certain amount of crap, but even I have my limits. I looked around the store and realized that there was no one else there. My one employee was in the back working on some orders.
"I know you. You're that bartender guy," I said. He looked at me concerned. "Get the hell out of here before I kick your drunk ass," I said. Honestly, I'm not much of a fighter but he was a scrawny little thing and with the amount of booze in him I'm sure I could have taken him.
He tried to smile and play it off. "It's cool," he said.
"No, it's not cool." I balled my fist up and said, "I'm seriously considering kicking your ass right now." He scurried off, bumping into a table and yelling he had been threatened. The employee in the back heard the commotion and came out.
"What's going on out here?" he asked. Then he said, "Damn, it smells like a distillery." I never saw the drunk guy in the store again.
2. The confused lady. When I sell insurance I have to be very careful to explain things thoroughly. Just because I know what I'm talking about doesn't mean I should expect everyone else to understand it. So there are times when I have to go over something multiple times and break it down as if I'm talking to Forrest Gump.
I sat in a woman's kitchen and explained to her at least a dozen times how a policy worked, when it would pay and how much it would cost her. She wasn't that old so I can't blame any cognitive impairments. Finally I asked her if she had any family nearby. "My daughter is in the other room," she said.
"We should invite her in just to make sure we are all on the same page," I suggested. When the daughter came in I noticed she was about 25 years old. The nut didn't fall far from the bush and she was about as bad. The two of them kept asking some of the same questions over and over. After about 90 minutes of this I was exasperated and ready to leave.
Then a weird thing happened. The mother said, "Okay, I'll buy it." What? Are you playing me, lady? She took out her checkbook and I quickly filled out the application while the daughter looked on. It was one of the strangest sales I ever made.
3. The guy who didn't want to save money. I was working for an agency that sold auto, homeowners and life insurance. If someone had one policy, they could get a discount by purchasing another line of insurance. My job was to get them to buy the second insurance policy.
I would look to see which customers were due to make payments in the next few days and run the calculations on the computer before calling them. This way I could give tell them over the phone how much they would save. While going through the list of names one morning I ran across a gentleman who was paying exorbitant rates. At first glance I thought the guy was driving a luxury car, but instead his rates were the result of horrible driving records. Between him, his wife and his son, they must have had about 20 moving violations in the span of six months.
Running the calculations for the discount, I discovered that by purchasing a life insurance policy on himself for about $30 a month, he would be saving about $300 each month. I quickly called him and asked him to come by the office. He was hesitant but he showed up.
When I met him I could tell he was bit eccentric. He looked around nervously and had one of the craziest haircuts I had ever seen. It looked like his barber hated him. I tried to put him at ease and said, "I have some great news for you. I did some research and I have found a way to save you a lot of money on your car insurance!" He was completely unfazed.
I told him all he needed to do was to purchase a small life insurance policy. He shook his head. "I don't know. I need to talk to my wife."
"About what?" I asked, pretty sure he could hear my jaw hitting the desk. "We're talking about spending $180 bucks to save you about $1800. And you probably could use a bit more life insurance. I'm sure your wife will be pleased."
He looked down and shook his head again. "No, I better clear it with her first." She obviously was the boss. He left and I just sat there wondering what his wife must be like.
A week or so later I was eating lunch in a fast food restaurant and saw him. I waved at the guy and he pretended he didn't see me. Of course, his avoidance made me go out of my way to walk over and say hello. His response was tepid.
"Did you get a chance to talk to your wife and let her know how much money you could save?" I asked while he had a mouthful of fries. He didn't respond, but instead picked up his food and left. Weird.
Not long after I found out that his entire family's auto policies were not renewed. Apparently their horrible driving records did them in. So much for saving money.
If you have a story about strange, odd, horrible or otherwise idiot customers, feel free to share in the comments section. In the meantime, stay healthy and make a few dollars.
Chris Castanes is a professional speaker who helps sales people succeed through workshops and humorous presentations. He's also the author of "You're Going To Be Great At This!", a humorous look at sales. For booking information, click here. He's also the president of Surf Financial Brokers selling life and disability insurance in several states.
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